Avatar Partnership

In the Mulvey article, it is argued that one establishes ego by looking at and identifying the self in the mirror. Onto that reflection, we place ego, expectations, and assumptions onto ourselves, whether or not our perceptions are accurate.

YEEEAH!!

When I create a custom avatar, I don't necessarily see myself. But what I do realize is the possibility that I'm forming avatars through unconscious assumptions, expectations, or desires.

Even though I quit playing World of Warcraft a year ago, I still feel connected to my avatar. Craznakazz was created as a joke character during a drunken Friday evening with some friends. He's a blue troll hunter, endowed with a pink mohawk, always wearing engineering goggles, and always seen with a pink t-rex named Flapjack.

When I made Craznakazz, I intended for everything about it to be a non-sequiter; an antithesis to my previous experience as a female undead mage named Valissia. When I created Valissia, I intended to create a 'cool version' of myself in the definition terms of WoW. So maybe one could argue that Craznakazz is the antithesis of what I once thought was this cool version of myself.

Looking back now, I recall how my experience as this avatar in WoW completely changed my experience of the entire game. As Craznakazz, I explored the lands of Azeroth as someone else. Instead of venturing through quest after quest, I actively sought out places in the game that nobody went to, just for fun. One time, I swam around the coast (this was before Cataclysm) of Kalimdor for a few hours just to see where it would go.

The Barrens

Gradually, my friends built a mythos behind who Craznakazz was and my perspective shifted. Craznakazz became separate from who I was, especially after actually investing in the plot of the game. Before Cataclysm, the troll race radically changed in a simulated war that happened every day for a week. This was around when I realized that I treated my avatar like it was a partnership, as if i was some sort of higher power that told Craznakazz what to do.

Left to right: Craznakazz, Flapjack, Craznakazz from the Future(not making this up)

Now I hate WoW. But I still have a ridiculous sentimental attachment to playing as Craznakazz. It was never about cool gear or pretending to be Craznakazz, but moreso about doing whatever I want in Azeroth with Craznakazz, like protesting against Durotar Tiger extinction, jumping off cliffs at random crowded places while yelling GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!1, and simply exploring otherwise overlooked spaces in the world.

Was I ever Craznakazz? At some point I felt this way, but then time passed and I feel separate. It was an alliance with a fictitious being.

Or maybe, going back to what I learned from being Valissia, Craznakazz embodied the 'uncool' part of who I am. I learned to embrace it.

Sometimes, there is a shark.

Don't listen to WoW. You can always quit.

(aaaand, old project about tigers that went extinct in WoW because of Cataclysm)